“Sometimes people in our lives come in a season. When the time comes for this season to end, surely this people will leave just like how a Maya lefts its nest to migrate in another place. It hurts so much especially if you grown up with this people and you were able to build a deep friendship with them. It was like a lump in your heart was taken and a part of you was missing. It causes you a great pain as if you were desolated in a deserted land. It is painful and you are in a denial phase where in you think that everything is just a dream and in just a spark everything will go how it used to be...But in reality, it won’t. You have to move on and pick up what is left in your life and let healing takes its place. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
This is what I learned in the past week. I was sad and lonely because some people who were very close in my heart left me. They were the ones who trained and guide me during the time that I started in the ministry. I was able to develop a relationship with them and I treat them as a second family, my second moms. Because of the attachment that I have with them, I became emotional and broken hearted when they left. Being an introvert, I didn’t release these feelings of mine and instead I lingered in them. I caved in silent sadness and hidden depression. It was like I was shattered into pieces.
I realized how self-centered am I and how prideful my heart is... I didn’t realize that God has a purpose why such things happened. God wants me to think beyond that situation and He wants me to be depended on Him alone, not on the people around me and not on my own strength and knowledge. Without Jesus, everything is useless and empty. Without Jesus, we are prone to vulnerability and confusion. Without our Light and our Savior, the paths are vague and every rhythm is meaningless. I really thank God that He met me once again. In my weaknesses and iniquities, Jesus made a way and held my hand. I thank God for giving me a set of Christian friends… During my down moment they are the ones who gave me the comfort and the encouragement that I need. One of them shared these verse:
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. They always point me to Whom I should go and Whom I should seek the answer to my questions. They also emphasized that it is OK not to be OK but it is not OK to stay there. Grow up and move on, a great life lies ahead. You are born to be a conqueror not as a victim.
I think that is what I missed… I let pessimism to surround me and I chose to hibernate and to settle in my nutshell rather than to face a brand new chapter in my life. Truly, fear is the beginning of the end of our faith. Without faith, you will always dwell in morbid thoughts, rejection and hate will fill your heart and lastly, hope will fade. I learned that I should hold on God’s promises and meditate the word day and night so it won’t depart from my lips and from my heart. God communicates through His words. The bible is a mirror, it let us see that we are but sinners and we need Jesus for us to be cleansed. It also reminds us that God loves us so much that He chooses to loves despite of our imperfection. No fear, or death, nor angels or demons can separate us for the love of our God.
In conclusion, I realized that in every storm, there will always be a sun shine and in every rain there will always be a blue sky that is shining and shimmering. Jesus is the hope that we cling to and in Him we won’t be left alone. He will always be the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever. Be still know that He is God and have that mustard seed of faith.
